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The Smoking Tongue

October 18, 2005

Day 92: Tabasco Green Pepper

Full Name: "McIlhenny Co. Tabasco Brand Green Pepper Sauce"

I remember the first time I had this hot sauce years ago. Probably when it first hit the market. My notes on the subject say: "Why fucking bother!". The shortest review ever.

Over the years I've known people that actually love this hot sauce. And every single one of them followed that statement by saying the red Tabasco was too hot for them, but this one was just right.

Well, I think that's great that these full grown men can now finally come play in the big leagues with a hot sauce that rates at around 1,000 scovilles. I guess we're all god's children and we shouldn't discriminate by tongue.

Today we had a chili competition at work as a fundraiser. I've actually been boycotting it for years because of what happened the first year I entered the competition. I had painstakingly created an expensive chili made from cubing steak, using a recipe straight from Terlingua. I brought my crock pot of chili in the morning, plugged it in, and went to check on it 3 hours later to see how it was doing. Turns out the crock pot wasn't even plugged in! I asked what the heck was going on? They were having power problems and unable to plug everyone in. Thanks for telling me! There's only like 400 plug-in in the whole building, hell I could have plugged it in on my desk upstairs and smelled chili brewing all morning.

I had a meeting to go to, so I stormed off expecting them to solve the problem. I came back an hour later to find the bitch microwaving my chili! Damn, I was pissed. As you can see, I'm completely over it, though. Ha!

This year, after many jokes of how hot we could make our chili, I decided to make one to blow the doors off anyone foolish enough to try it. I added 12 habaneros and 12 serranos. However, while tasting it, I didn't feel like it was very hot at all, so added a 1/4 bottle of Z...Nothing Beyond. I started tasting it again, and I could hear wind blowing out my ears. Perfect.

Sadly, I got a lot of compliments on my chili, and a few telling me they thought it would have been hotter. However, I also noticed these same people never had a whole bowl of it, just a tablespoon. I even saw some people using my chili to spice up the heat of some of the other chilies they purchased. Does that make me a chili extract? In the end, I got 3rd place. Whoops! One judge didn't even taste it, so I lost her votes. Next year, I'm going to work a little harder and get that coveted LAST place. I won't bother to remove the habanero seeds next time. That was definitely a waste of time, and a loss of good heat. I'm also going to bump the habanero count up to 40. Next year: Smoking Tongue's Revenge!

I purchased my 3 bowls of chili at the fundraiser, trying out other people's concoctions. They weren't very good, or spicy, but it was a great opportunity to use most of the Tabasco Green bottle. I'm pretty sure that I only managed to COOL the chilies down with this sauce, but it was still a good match. My only complaint is that this sauce doesn't really have any jalapeno flavor to it. It's a just a mild, indistinct, generic green flavor.

Bottoms Up!
Tart, but not too bad. No epileptic seizures. A nice green taste. What does green taste like? Exactly.

This certainly belongs IN foods, though. But not necessarily my foods.

Tabasco on the internet is as prolific as porn. So here is only one obligatory link. I haven't actually read the whole article, but the pictures alone are worth glancing at. The first one is a shot of a hot sauce bottle in a guy's pant pockets. That's totally me. The rest show an amusing transgression to the extreme. Hot sauce addiction is cool. "A hot sauce addict is me".

Tomorrow: Paisanitos Mustard Habanero

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