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The Smoking Tongue

October 27, 2005

Day 101: Frontera Habanero

Nice, but not very hot considering the pepper it's touting as its name. Maybe it should have been called Frontera Carrot. When I poured most of this sauce on my potatoes for lunch, it barely made an impact in flavor. I could have done that for free with my imaginary hot sauce bottle.

"There's no denying that the Yucatan peninsula's sun-gold habaneros have a tropical sting. A beautiful sting. A thrilling, delicious sting. Flavor-packed, can't-get-enough sting. Come on, bask in the glow."

Sometimes you can really smell the bullshit in the air. You know that the more crap they write on the back of the label, the more they're compensating for what's inside the bottle. Usually, the labels that yammer on about hand-crafting the sauce, family recipes, friends, family, and real people are the ones that might taste good. Notice how this sauce couldn't talk about how they made the sauce. Who would want to hear about the factories and large machinery making this sauce in bulk?

They really shouldn't be writing a check their butt can't cash. They might as well have been writing about the silky smooth skin of a penguin's ass for as much as it has to do with this hot sauce. The only thing golden about this sauce is the carrots, and I think Rick Bayless might have forgotten to buy any peppers last time he was vacationing at the Yucatan's Peninsula. Or maybe he only has time to do Burger King endorsements.

There has been 3 major label changes in as many years. If only they spent the time it took to come up with the perfect label on making the perfect sauce.

Bottoms Up!
Wow, this was something else! It was like someone gathered up 12 gallons of orange juice, poured them through a strainer to collect all the pulp, and then said, "Hey, let's make a hot sauce out of this!"

This was pulpy. I almost pulled a muscle grimacing so hard when I swallowed it. Then I had to go floss. The flavor was practically non-existent.

Tomorrow: Paisanitos Sweet Papaya

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