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The Smoking Tongue

August 31, 2005

Day 44: Jamaica Hell Fire Doc's

Full Title: "Jamaica Hell Fire - Doc's Special"

"Hottest Hellfire"
"It Comes In Colors"

Jamaica Hell Fire comes in 3 flavors, and I couldn't remember this morning if this was the hot one or not. HOLY SHIT, it sure was!

I stopped at a Culver's restaurant today for lunch, and the first french fry I dipped into this sauce stopped me dead in my tracks! It was so damn hot, it took 45 minutes to finish my meal! (I timed it) I went through 11 napkins and spilled one saucy fry on my pants during that time. I must have looked like a freak in there. Whole families had ordered, eaten, and left while I sat there eating one french fry every 30 seconds, and crying between each one.

So the fries were HOT, but eating the chicken sandwich was a little easier. Either my tongue was smoked out by then, or the mayo and bread helped a bit. But those fries.... never has a hot sauce name truly lived up to the description: Hell Fire.

Supper was tough, too. I had 40% of the bottle left, and put huge amounts on 2 hot dogs. The rest I poured into a bowl of Mac & Cheese, and let me tell you, I've never had Mac & Cheese taste so scary before. If a kid grabbed that bowl by accident, they would never eat Mac & Cheese ever again. That's if they ever got released out of the hospital.

This is definitely the most painful hot sauce I've had so far on the Tour de Hot Sauce. When I had CaJohn's Chocolate Hab sauce, the shot really killed me, but it mixed well into foods. This stuff, however, has the thickness, flavor, and consistency of El Yucateco's XXXtra Hot Sauce, but was even hotter. Most of the foods I ate had this sauce right on top, meaning direct contact with the tongue. However, even mixing it into Mac & cheese couldn't hide the heat at all. There was just no hiding from the pain. I was actually afraid I might fail during lunch after that first bite. Instead of a small 4 ounce bottle that El Yucateco comes in, I was looking at a hefty 5.15 ounce bottle.

After supper I waited at least a half hour for my mouth and stomach to cool down before I even thought about slamming this shot. When I finally did slam it down, I swallowed immediately, nothing hitting the tongue. It wasn't as hot as I expected, but then again, I didn't gargle it this time. I really feel like I dodged a bullet this time.

There's a lot of confusion out there about these Jamaica Hell Fire sauces. For instance, until today, I thought there were only two flavors. Turns out they only sell two of them in this town. The second sauce I have is called "4 in 1", and I guess the third one is called "2 in 1".

At MoHotta MoBetta web site, they list this sauce at 5,720 scoville units. And I'm here to vehemently state that there is no way in hell that is correct. I found a couple references on the internet stating that the stateside version of this sauce is weak, and the 'real' one has to be purchased in Jamaica. I have a feeling that maybe, just maybe, they have now released the 'real' version in the USA. That would make sense. Plus, I found references that Dr. Duphorn Johnston now makes these sauces in Tampa, Florida.

"It Comes In Colors" is a VERY odd saying on the label. However, I know I've seen this sauce come in a redder color in the past. Perhaps that was the 'weaker' version.

And lastly, by tracking the mailing address, I found out Mrs. Dog's Hot Sauces has the same address. Turns out they're selling this sauce (but only the Doc Special) as their own. They also list the sauce at only 5,720 scovilles. I've asked some questions, hopefully I'll find out some day.

You can't make this stuff up. Someone posted information and pictures of their surgery scars, and then for fun they mocked up an action doll with Doc's Hell Fire on the neck to represent his injury. How cool is that? I think maybe I can merge this idea with the infamous Lego Porn, and make action scenes from movies that require blood (hot sauce).

Tomorrow: Blair's Original Death Sauce

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