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The Smoking Tongue

August 30, 2005

Day 43: Hooters Hot Sauce

It's hot. It's saucy. It's just the way you like it! And Hooters Hot Sauce tastes great on anything - even a spoon! If you want to prove that you're a discriminating host/hostess - every table setting should include a bottle of this, our finest. Or, you could take everybody to Hooters for dinner and accomplish the same thing."

Hahaha! That's funny.
It's not hot, and I don't know about you, but the idea of having this on my dining room table at home when guests come by probably would say something about me, but probably not what they were hinting at here! Discriminating Host - yea right! It'll look great right by my Girls-of-Hooters Calendar.

Also, I don't ever remember them having this hot sauce on their restaurant tables. It's always this Country Bob's All Purpose sauce (or something similar). Either they know it doesn't go good with anything, or it's too expensive to give out for free. Country Bob must be cheap.

This sauce doesn't taste all that good. It's a lot redder and a lot thicker than a normal red vinegar sauce. They have brown sugar as one of their ingredients, and it's either this, or the type of peppers they use that makes for a different flavor. I couldn't find anything that it would go good with. They don't list food coloring as an ingredient, but I'd be surprised if they didn't dye up the red.

For breakfast I ate the ham sandwich that I had brought in for lunch. The sauce actually reminded me a lot of yesterday's "Pain Is Good" sauce, except this was closer to a normal vinegar hot sauce.

For lunch I had just a few big dashes on my stuffed mushrooms. This left a lot left over for supper to use.

Since this sauce didn't taste good with anything, I decided to try the old Clam Chowder trick. Just look at that beautiful non-white color. Ironically, the one time I like the flavor of vinegar coming through, I find out this sauce just didn't have enough vinegar to give the desired effect. It didn't ruin it, but it was kind of boring. And even though the bagel sandwich here looks like it's overflowing with hot sauce, it was too dry. Just not enough sauce left over to make a difference. (Not that I think that would have made a big difference) All I succeeded in doing was making a mess of myself. I'm a shitty chef, but at least I'm not a shitty hot sauce maker like Hooters.

Believe it or not, this was the best way to taste the sauce. It actually had a smooth mellow aftertaste, and was a much better experience than when it clashed with the food. I had no complaints, it tasted just fine. I guess next time some fool of a friend gives this to you as a gift, just break out a straw, and start sipping!


Tomorrow: Jamaica Hell Fire - Doc's Special

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