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The Smoking Tongue

August 27, 2005

Day 39: Spaghetti Western Habanero

Full title: "Santa Fe Spaghetti Western Foods - Hell-Raising Habanero"

This sauce smells weird. There's something familiar about it, but after a couple seconds, I'm starting to really doubting my memory. Maybe it was a childhood memory I'm trying to suppress. Like the time my parents locked me in a closet all weekend and I crapped my pants-type-smell.

Water, Apple Juice, Lemon Juice, Soy Sauce, Sake, Sugar. Holy shit, that's an ingredient list? That sounds more like the sludge you find at the bottom of a forgotten Tupperware bowl in the back of the fridge! Finally, the next 2 ingredients: Red Chile Powder & Habanero Powder. Jeez, they didn't even use any real peppers. Just powder. That's like making Kool Aid and selling it as wine!! (And I don't mean the crappy wine like Mad Dog, but the good shit that comes in a box!)

For lunch I ruined a perfect opportunity to spruce up a BBQ Cookout with a delicious hot sauce. Instead I am soaking this brown runny sludge up into my hot dog bun, and mixing it into my baked beans. The flavor is thankfully weak and subdued. It's not terrible, but it's not great either.

For supper, we ate at a Friday Fish Fry. I put some in my hash browns, and the rest into the tartar sauce & fish. It's sad how I'm trying to spread and mix this sauce through the food as thin as possible so as to not ruin the flavor of the food. It should be the other way around.

Well, I've sat here with this shot glass in front of me for long enough. Time to cowboy up. At least I used too much during supper, and only had enough left for 1/2 a shot glass. Well... here goes...

OH, what the fuck was that?! Imagine swallowing luke warm soy sauce mixed with bad apple juice. Damn, that was nasty.
I guess to be fair, people usually aren't chugging their recipe ingredients. This could technically fall under a soy sauce category. I suppose when the experts choose the best olive oils in the world, they aren't drinking them straight out of the bottle.

Serving Suggestions: Add a dash of excitement to any meal. Brighten up omelets and other egg dishes. A natural for stir-fry, barbeque or steamed veggies!! Also great added to almost any dip.


Yea, I just had a whole shot glass of excitement. No thanks. You guys are seriously deluded. Finding a rotten soy sauce packet at the bottom of a Happy Wok dumpster would taste better than this.

I'm unable to find anything on the internet about these guys. No one sells it, except a place getting rid of old stock 1/2 price (Hey! That's where I got it!) I guess the good news is that they aren't ruining any of the other food groups out there!

Tomorrow: Uncle Dougie's Mustardy

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