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The Smoking Tongue

August 03, 2005

Day 15: Dragon's Breath Hot Sauce

Dragons suck! Dragons are not cool. Everyone thinks they're so awesome. As kids they either fell in love with Smaug the Dragon from the Hobbit, or Tiamat from the Dungeons & Dragon cartoon. Well grow up!

The truth is, dragons make really shitty sauces.
Dogs make good hot sauces.
Goats make good hot sauces.
Lizards rule at making hot sauces.
Alligators do nothing BUT make hot sauces.
Even bare-assed baboons make decent hot sauces.

Dragons, however, should stay out of the kitchen. Yesterday’s "MoJo" sauce was barely average, but this bottle... this bottle was made by a dying dragon coughing up phlegm and spitting it in a bottle.

It has a nice, dark, road kill green coloring to it. It oozes out, instead of pouring out, and what the fuck are the gritty chunks in it that I feel on my teeth each time I chew?! It’s like bone shards, I swear.

Breakfast: Eggs absolutely ruined.
Lunch: Buried the sauce in half a gallon of salsa to choke down some tacos.
Supper: Mixed in with mustard & cheesy potatoes to mask the flavor.

Not for Wimps!

-Not for human consumption, either! Sadly, this sauce did have a nice hot heat level. Completely wasted.

To Enjoy - Start with ONE Drop and add to your Taste Comfort Level

-Probably the best warning I ever read on a label. Unfortunately, they aren’t talking about the heat level, they’re talking about the Rancid Level. My comfort level for this shit is ZERO drops, thanks.

I’m feeling dizzy... Call 911...

Tomorrow is shit-free: Desert Pepper Trading Company XXX

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