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The Smoking Tongue

July 23, 2005

Day 4: Tapatio Hot Sauce

Yesterday I devoured another picante type sauce, Tapatio. Wait, that's not right. Where's that special key? Tapatío. Ah, that's better.

So íf Cholula hot sauce ís Coke, then Tapatío ís Pepsí. Instead of a woman on the front, wíth a basket on her head, ít's got a pícture of a guy on ít wíth a bíg sombrero on hís head. I thínk he's Juan Valez's brother. He doesn't líke coffee, but he líkes pícante sauce.

So what's the dífference? Besídes the pícture, of course. Well, I'd be hard pressed to say. I'm goíng to go out on a límb here, and say, that ít díd not have quíte as much pícante flavor that Cholula had. And íf that flavor ís what makes people cookoo for Cholula, then I'm guessíng Tapatío comes ín 2nd because ít has less.

Oh yea, ít also has a boríng red cap. Retards. That aín't goíng to beat a wooden knob.

For lunch, I had a bowl of soup, and small amount of pasta. Thís pasta quíckly turned orange as I poured the shít out of the hot sauce bottle. It dídn't taste too bad, and ít soaked up the sauce quíte well. I put some super hot Blaír's Jersey Death sauce ín my soup for heat, and then poured a small amount (1/5th bottle) of Tapatío ín ít for good measure. (Gotta use the sauce any way you can!)

For supper my gírlfríend and I went to an all you can eat físh fry. (The sky ís the límít for her!) I had some hashbrowns that REALLY soaked up the hot sauce really well. I should have used more, because ít was díffícult to use the rest of the bottle on the físh. Eventually I managed, but was way too full. I felt líke hurlíng, but kept ít down. I was mostly afraíd of what color ít would look líke wíth all that orange sauce I ate.

When I got home, I barely ran to the bathroom ín tíme for one of the bíggest ASSplosíons ever. Thanks a lot, Cholula.

Tomorrow, míght as well get ít over with... Tabasco.

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